At school, I saw the home-made lunches
On TV, I watched what families looked like
I’d plaster a smile, hiding a truth
But behind closed doors the world was a different place.
Out the window I could see the children all play,
My longing to cross that thresh hold.
But I had love to scrub into fabric
Today’s fears to wash away
And yesterday’s tears to mop up.
Lights on, lights off
Two small mouths to feed.
Coax her to believe she is loved
Wipe away her tears of uncertainty
Not knowing what to say
Carry on, do your best.
Splitting at my own seams
How could I live out two lives?
Support her from my cracked foundation
She still wants to know why.
Lights on, lights off
Two small mouths to feed.
Soft murmurs that put me to sleep
Her soft tears that continued to fall
I couldn’t be everything
I too, felt left alone.
Each day living afraid
That tomorrow might come
Tomorrow meant coming
Tomorrow meant going
Lights on, lights off
Two small mouths to feed.
For each time it left
I knew what was to come.
Hurry it’ll be back,
Waiting for a fuse to be blown
Her cherub cheeks,
It has caused to be swollen.
She rubs at her eyes,
“What did I do wrong?”
What am I to do?
I know not the answers.
Crumpled over,
Now crying myself.
Lights on, lights off
Two small mouths to feed.
It should have been my mother
Not what I feared most.
But what now, that my fear is absolved?
I have but anger, in which will not part
I only dared dreamed for one caring hand
But instead, it left me with two mouths to feed
Milk-less cereal, a meal of the dark.
On TV, I watched what families looked like
I’d plaster a smile, hiding a truth
But behind closed doors the world was a different place.
Out the window I could see the children all play,
My longing to cross that thresh hold.
But I had love to scrub into fabric
Today’s fears to wash away
And yesterday’s tears to mop up.
Lights on, lights off
Two small mouths to feed.
Coax her to believe she is loved
Wipe away her tears of uncertainty
Not knowing what to say
Carry on, do your best.
Splitting at my own seams
How could I live out two lives?
Support her from my cracked foundation
She still wants to know why.
Lights on, lights off
Two small mouths to feed.
Soft murmurs that put me to sleep
Her soft tears that continued to fall
I couldn’t be everything
I too, felt left alone.
Each day living afraid
That tomorrow might come
Tomorrow meant coming
Tomorrow meant going
Lights on, lights off
Two small mouths to feed.
For each time it left
I knew what was to come.
Hurry it’ll be back,
Waiting for a fuse to be blown
Her cherub cheeks,
It has caused to be swollen.
She rubs at her eyes,
“What did I do wrong?”
What am I to do?
I know not the answers.
Crumpled over,
Now crying myself.
Lights on, lights off
Two small mouths to feed.
It should have been my mother
Not what I feared most.
But what now, that my fear is absolved?
I have but anger, in which will not part
I only dared dreamed for one caring hand
But instead, it left me with two mouths to feed
Milk-less cereal, a meal of the dark.
