A nite with the person that matters most to me. Odd how absolutely amazing and terrible the nite was. Ive come to the realization that i can not handle compliments. i get defensive and upset, but the moment you criticize me or belittle me, im completely ok. He'd called me beautiful once and i started to cry. Not while he was around that is. I told him i didn't agree and that was my problem, but the truth being that him calling me beautiful threw my off guard. It got me to thinking that i couldn't handle to lose him and the thought of loss scared me. Tonite i caught him talking down to me which didn't bother me but it brought me back to the thoughts of the word "beautiful". The edge of tears happened again.
This is my life, This is my lie. A pretty little statement to me and an actual statement to me. I feel that days past by and we spend them all pretending to be what the room wants us to be, what the force of gravity dictates. An odd statement, i know. However, it's true none the less. And there i go, ready to rant about how my creative expression has been stifled, when all along i did this to myself. I choose to want to blend in, to want to be part of the bulk piece of unified art. This is my life and this is my lie.