Trust Me, I'm Not Ok

A nite with the person that matters most to me. Odd how absolutely amazing and terrible the nite was. Ive come to the realization that i can not handle compliments. i get defensive and upset, but the moment you criticize me or belittle me, im completely ok. He'd called me beautiful once and i started to cry. Not while he was around that is. I told him i didn't agree and that was my problem, but the truth being that him calling me beautiful threw my off guard. It got me to thinking that i couldn't handle to lose him and the thought of loss scared me. Tonite i caught him talking down to me which didn't bother me but it brought me back to the thoughts of the word "beautiful". The edge of tears happened again.